Our tendency as caregivers and mothers is to care for others sometimes to the extent that we “forget” to take care of ourselves. It feels…maybe selfish? Or is it just understood that we “take care” of everyone? Perhaps, we are the types to just take over: we do it all and leave no stone unturned except our own stone. Outside of working, caring for children–maybe aging parents–and a home, there’s no time for “self-care.” But not the self-care you’re thinking about.

“Self-care” is all a buzz lately. Most often, it refers to things like the spa, time alone, bubble baths, etc. One aspect of self-care that doesn’t sound as “glamorous” or fun is the care we give ourselves that can save our lives–the self-care of going to the doctor for regular health screenings. Therefore, for today self-care = health screenings

After I turned 40, I had one medical issue after another. A wife and mom of two boys, I had surgery to remove a benign breast nodule, another surgery to repair a torn ACL, acid reflux, colon polyps, and eventually colon surgery.

I was reluctant to share my colon story because it’s not a story you just share. But as I sat in a hospital bed in October 2020, in the midst of a raging pandemic, watching a news segment regarding the age at which colon cancer screenings should start, I felt compelled to share. Seeing more people (famous and not so famous) die of colon cancer…I couldn’t keep this to myself. 

Let me first state that I do not and did not have cancer. When I was 43, at a regular visit with my internist, I complained about some issues I was having. He recommended a colonoscopy, and I thought nothing of it. At the time, the recommended age for Black people to begin colon screenings was 45. He told me it would be a good idea to go at 43 “just in case.”  So I did. I was not prepared for the results.

During that procedure, the doctor discovered a 3 centimeter polyp (pretty big). It was non-cancerous yet precancerous. Because of the location of the polyp, it could not be removed that day. At the time, that wasn’t the most disappointing part. I’d have to do this all over again. And if you’ve ever had a colonoscopy, you know what I mean. 

• A month later, it was removed along with several new, smaller ones. 
• Six months later, more polyps appeared and were removed. 
• A year after that (2020), there were more. But there were some that could not be removed based on shape, size and location. 

My gastroenterologist recommended having that area of my colon removed because, frankly, that’s a lot of polyps and a lot of (too many!) colonoscopies (five total). The polyps were continuing to form, and no one should have five additional colonoscopies to continue attempting to remove them all. So, I took his recommendation and had the right side of my colon removed in October 2020. 

Recent studies show that “Women have a higher risk of developing right-sided colon cancer, which often develops more aggressively. And because women have a long and narrower colon, some colonoscopies may be incomplete.” (Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men) (Gendered Innovations). That’s not to say my colonoscopy was incomplete, but it’s a good reason for women as caregivers not to skip this particular screening.

Having colonoscopy #1 was a minor inconvenience to my everyday life, but the next four colonoscopies, the surgery and recovery made me feel like a burden to my family–which is odd. I’ve never in the least considered them a burden. Taking care of them was my joy, my role and what some would consider my “job.” I do “all the things,” but who does all the things when I am physically unable? I can admit that this line of thinking is one born of me wanting to do it all and not wanting to ask for help. But I had no choice.

In 2019, Carly Snyder, a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist told the Washington Post, “Women in general grow up with the assumption that we are the caregivers and any additional help is gravy. This is regardless of whether we lived in progressive homes with parents who shared the duties of parenthood to whatever degree possible or not." 

So, thoughts like “who will care for my family if I’m sick” make it easy to consider avoiding regular doctor visits and health screenings. We don't want to "be" sick or told that we are sick because we have things to do. I’d thought, and hoped, that COVID raging throughout the world would prevent me from having to have any colonoscopies in 2020. Instead, I had two. LUCKILY, I had two.

But conversely, what if I’d not talked to my doctor and waited two more years? Would I still be able to take care of my family in any capacity? What care would I then need? 

Caretaking is lonely if we take it on as a solo job. In my case, I had a spouse who took great care of me and our family during my recovery.

But. Maybe it’s not a choice to take it on solo. You are the sole caretaker. You are the only parent. It is lonely. 

Whatever your circumstances, consider what COULD happen if you delayed your routine health screenings? Would you still be able to take care of your family in any capacity? What care might YOU then need? 

In all cases, taking care of yourself, self-care, allows you to better care for those you love. Knowing the importance of remaining healthy, to care for our families, doesn’t always make it any easier to prioritize our own health, mental and physical. But the fact remains that a better, healthy you is more equipped to care for the needs of those around you. 

(Photo: Kimberly Wright and her sons on Mother's Day)